Getting off the vent is hard work

So today was worthy of celebration. Ari got off the ventilator!!! But there's a whole lot to that. We were warned that the extubation process itself can be pretty hard to watch. I was prepared. I watched Ari get intubated and nothing could match the horror of the concern and urgency in the doctors' voices as they worked their magic getting the tube and various lines in. This time, all the procedures were because Ari no longer needed that support - yay!

But, oh the frustration.

After they'd given the order for extubation and they'd turned off all 3 happy meds, he started de-satting (losing oxygen saturation). So they decided to wait for him to stabilize. Now jump forward 3 hours and he'd only been on the counter meds to avoid withdrawal of from the 3 really good happy meds he had been on with the vent and you have a little boy who is awake as can be feeling everything in and around him, gagging and coughing...I'll spare more details but that last hour before intubation of watching his discomfort forced some serious tears. 

Anyway, extubation was almost a breeze after that. His oxygen has remained good, but par for the course, he's uncomfortable and grumpy.  My job late this afternoon was to pick up Rowan, get her to dance and eat dinner so I didn't get to watch that evolve, but a phone call just before dinner announced that Ari was sad and needed his mom. 

Really?

He needs his mom? After 14 days of feeling that his comfort and care was mostly out of my hands, to think my presence was really needed? When I got there, he was unhappy, but pretty alert. I thought I would stand there, hold his hand and stroke his head as usual. I asked if I could hold him, but they wanted to see more stable oxygenation first. However, the did ask if I wanted to lay down next to him. What? I actually get to lay next to my son, who not 3-4 days ago was possibly not going to live? 

I'm sure other family members feel this way, but I'm a mom and thus can only speak as a mom... there is a warmth in my soul that comes only from being physically close to my children. To look at Ari eye to eye across our pillows and warm his body with mine as much as possible between the tubes and wires might have done more for me than him. Nurse Brittany said momma calmed him down a lot. My spirit soared to know that I could really make him feel better. 

Sean rescued me with dinner, and he is now in the bed with Ari. I have not seen Ari so peaceful since even before his surgery. I would show you the picture; they make a very handsome pair...but unfortunately, I'm not a very pretty sleeper and payback is hell...so, instead, here is a recent photo of the two of them, in the daylight.

Love to all,

Dorothy