Here is what's real: gratitude and perspective.
I'm not talking about gratitude as in what you say you are thankful for once a year sitting around the Thanksgiving dinner table. And I'm not talking about perspective in terms of "well, it could always be worse." I'm talking the real stuff.
I've almost lost both of my children. When Rowan was just 13 days old, she nearly died of reflux. Yeah, right, that sounds absurd. Seems like every baby has reflux nowadays. But we didn't know she did, and I was probably changing perhaps the 20th diaper of my life (I was really sick post-birth and Sean did all the diaper changing for at least a week) when she stopped breathing and turned blue. I lifted up her legs to replace the diaper and it happened. I had no idea what IT was, but I knew all those dreams of pretty baby clothes and happy milestones vanished immediately, and I had one job to do and that was to keep my baby alive. She looked like she was choking. There was nothing in her mouth. I started pounding her back like I had learned in CPR weeks before. No luck. Fortunately, at my wits end I picked up a bulb syringe and started sucking. She started breathing again. I will never forget the look of struggle on her face unable to breath and me not having a clue what to do but doing my best to figure it out. Rowan was better by the time the EMTs got there. I was half-dressed and she had pooped all over me in the midst of it all. We spent the night at ACH, and they eventually decided (or guessed) it was reflux that caused her life-threatening event (though they had a much fancier name for it).
You all know Ari's story from May.
This weekend was a dandy. Both kids had a stomach virus. I was grumpy because my kids getting sick stresses me out. And Sean has lots of work coming up that he doesn't need to be sick for so trying to keep sick kids away from each other and Sean was stressing me out more. But this is the normal stuff of life with kids.
When I got home from today, Ari had woken up very ill from his nap. A low grade fever and dwindling tummy symptoms had turned into high fever and respiratory symptoms. So off we went to ACH ER. After 2.5 hours we saw a nurse and then a doctor. 103 fever and pretty bad croup was the assessment. Fever bad enough that doubling up on motrin and tylenol still didn't totally knock it and croup bad enough such that he was still barking after an updraft, decadron and a 2 hour observation period. But we got to go home. Ari's pulse oxygen was good and his lungs were clear so the dreaded pneumonia was not happening, at least today. It was just a matter of getting his airway clear to get the air into his functioning lungs. This was Ari's 5th or 6th time to get croup, probably the worst he has had...but I'm grateful.
I got to walk by the trauma room that he was put into in May when he was crashing so bad they didn't think he could handle the transport to ICU. I got to put him in my car and still with a fever and that barking cough, he started dancing to Martin Sexton when it popped on the radio. It is a joy to have my son with me and I get to have him another day. So what if our night was in the ER. And I hate that he's gonna feel crummy for a few more days, but man, he's great and I'm taking him home. AND I get to go home and hug my husband and snuggle my precious Rowan.
It is awesome to have another day with the folks I love. And tomorrow may be really hard and who knows what will happen but I get to love, smell and squeeze all of them up until the very last minute that I can't anymore. And that is so exciting to me.
I'm afraid that may sound pathetic to folks who don't face heavy stuff too often, but for those of you who do, you know there is real joy in gratefulness. It is a gift and having the perspective to be truly grateful for what you have is a blessing. I don't like how I got my perspective or developed such deep gratitude, but I have it and many of my days are joy-filled because of it. I hope I can always feel this grateful.
Love to all,
Dorothy
I'm not talking about gratitude as in what you say you are thankful for once a year sitting around the Thanksgiving dinner table. And I'm not talking about perspective in terms of "well, it could always be worse." I'm talking the real stuff.
I've almost lost both of my children. When Rowan was just 13 days old, she nearly died of reflux. Yeah, right, that sounds absurd. Seems like every baby has reflux nowadays. But we didn't know she did, and I was probably changing perhaps the 20th diaper of my life (I was really sick post-birth and Sean did all the diaper changing for at least a week) when she stopped breathing and turned blue. I lifted up her legs to replace the diaper and it happened. I had no idea what IT was, but I knew all those dreams of pretty baby clothes and happy milestones vanished immediately, and I had one job to do and that was to keep my baby alive. She looked like she was choking. There was nothing in her mouth. I started pounding her back like I had learned in CPR weeks before. No luck. Fortunately, at my wits end I picked up a bulb syringe and started sucking. She started breathing again. I will never forget the look of struggle on her face unable to breath and me not having a clue what to do but doing my best to figure it out. Rowan was better by the time the EMTs got there. I was half-dressed and she had pooped all over me in the midst of it all. We spent the night at ACH, and they eventually decided (or guessed) it was reflux that caused her life-threatening event (though they had a much fancier name for it).
You all know Ari's story from May.
This weekend was a dandy. Both kids had a stomach virus. I was grumpy because my kids getting sick stresses me out. And Sean has lots of work coming up that he doesn't need to be sick for so trying to keep sick kids away from each other and Sean was stressing me out more. But this is the normal stuff of life with kids.
When I got home from today, Ari had woken up very ill from his nap. A low grade fever and dwindling tummy symptoms had turned into high fever and respiratory symptoms. So off we went to ACH ER. After 2.5 hours we saw a nurse and then a doctor. 103 fever and pretty bad croup was the assessment. Fever bad enough that doubling up on motrin and tylenol still didn't totally knock it and croup bad enough such that he was still barking after an updraft, decadron and a 2 hour observation period. But we got to go home. Ari's pulse oxygen was good and his lungs were clear so the dreaded pneumonia was not happening, at least today. It was just a matter of getting his airway clear to get the air into his functioning lungs. This was Ari's 5th or 6th time to get croup, probably the worst he has had...but I'm grateful.
I got to walk by the trauma room that he was put into in May when he was crashing so bad they didn't think he could handle the transport to ICU. I got to put him in my car and still with a fever and that barking cough, he started dancing to Martin Sexton when it popped on the radio. It is a joy to have my son with me and I get to have him another day. So what if our night was in the ER. And I hate that he's gonna feel crummy for a few more days, but man, he's great and I'm taking him home. AND I get to go home and hug my husband and snuggle my precious Rowan.
It is awesome to have another day with the folks I love. And tomorrow may be really hard and who knows what will happen but I get to love, smell and squeeze all of them up until the very last minute that I can't anymore. And that is so exciting to me.
I'm afraid that may sound pathetic to folks who don't face heavy stuff too often, but for those of you who do, you know there is real joy in gratefulness. It is a gift and having the perspective to be truly grateful for what you have is a blessing. I don't like how I got my perspective or developed such deep gratitude, but I have it and many of my days are joy-filled because of it. I hope I can always feel this grateful.
Love to all,
Dorothy
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